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    Jan 08, 2017

    Falling in Love is Easy 1: Love Is a Verb

    Falling in Love is Easy 1: Love Is a Verb

    Passage: John 13:34-35

    Speaker: Rev. Vivian McCarthy, Pastor

    Series: Falling in Love is Easy

    Category: Relationships

    Romantic love is easy. Love over the long haul is hard. Whether you are married and are looking to strengthen your relationship, single and praying for a committed relationship, or you simply want to strengthen relationships with people you care about, this series will help you examine how to apply biblical principles to the relationships you value the most. Today's message focuses on Jesus' words to the disciples: Love one another as I have loved you.

    For quite some time, I have had it on my heart to preach a series on relationships – more specifically, how to develop and nurture deep and lasting relationships based on what I understand the scriptures to call us to do and be as we seek to be in relationship with each other.

    Most of us acknowledge that romantic love is easy and it doesn’t take long for us to discover that love over the long haul is hard. That is a true statement whether it is applied to friendships, dating, seeking a life partner, marriage, or strengthening a relationship with people you care about. Over the next 4 weeks, we will be examining how to apply biblical principles to the relationships you value the most.

    Perhaps you have noticed or experienced how difficult it is in our culture to develop and maintain deep relationships over the long haul. We are pulled in so many directions – and we have both – at the same time – very high expectations that we will get what we want and very low levels of tolerance for another’s ability to meet those expectations.

    I want to insert right here that I am not referring to tolerating abuse of any kind: physical, emotional or psychological. We are examining healthy relationships and what the Bible says about developing that kind of relationship. If you are struggling with whether you are the victim of abuse, please find a mental health professional who can help you sort that out. Abuse can sneak up on you and make you question yourself in many, many ways, and it is totally unacceptable.

    As your pastor, I urge you to talk to someone if you are struggling. This is probably a good time for me to also say that I am always available to you for conversation, and if in the conversation I see that you really need therapeutic help, I will help you find someone. I am not a therapist.

    When I mention low tolerance for another person’s ability to meet our expectations, this is about the fact that no one is perfect. We all have flaws. In the last week I have had the privilege of performing 2 weddings. Some of you attended one of those weddings where I quoted the couple. They were explaining a song that was played – a song that had deep meaning for them. They said that they believe that their relationship is parallel to their relationship with God: we love each other despite our flaws and imperfections.

    There is no one without flaws and imperfections, so it is highly unlikely that we will find another person who can fully meet our demands, our expectations.

    So, let’s dive into the scriptures and see what insights can help us in our pursuit of deeper, long-lasting relationships.  Today, we will be looking at 3 scriptures. 

    The first biblical principle for long-lasting, deep relationship is: My beloved is my priority. 

    Twice in my adult life I’ve had the opportunity to really spend time in the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament. The first time was in that class I took with Eugene Peterson in seminary. Dr. Peterson sees this intimate book as a metaphor for prayer – deep intimacy with God which also gives us clues for intimacy with another human being.

    The second time was just last week in preparation for one of those weddings. This was the first time in my 30 years of ministry that a couple chose passages from the Song of Solomon for their service. This morning we are going to look at just 1 verse to help us start at the beginning of a relationship – again, any relationship – chapter 2, verse 3:

    As an apple tree among the trees of the wood,
    so is my beloved among young men.
    With great delight I sat in his shadow,
    and his fruit was sweet to my taste. Song of Solomon 2:3

    Relationships begin when we are drawn to another person. In his wisdom, Solomon points out that, just as an apple tree stands out because of its beautiful fruit, other people stand out and we find them attractive for any number of reasons. We find them beautiful or handsome, interesting or amusing or knowledgeable or fun or inquisitive or intriguing. When we are seeking romantic love, we are seeking all of that and more: we want our mate to be attractive – just as Solomon writes about the woman and man in his poetry. They are physically attracted to each other – an essential element of a romantic relationship: necessary and fulfilling.

    Attraction and the good feelings that we get when we are attracted to someone in a romantic or even in a friendly relationship are great, aren’t they? It feels good to be in those early stages of a relationship. We get giddy and want to be with the beloved all the time. The thing is, those giddy, romantic, seemingly all-consuming feelings don’t happen every day in a long-term relationship. So, if that’s all a relationship is built on, it’s not likely to last over the long haul. As Rev. Andy Stanley says in the book I am using for inspiration for this series: 

    Love – which we normally perceive as a noun, something we fall into, or a feeling we experience – [is] a verb. It’s something you do, an active choice you make. And once you do, then the feelings will follow. Making love a verb is the foundation for staying in love.

    Solomon says we take delight in the beloved, so much so that we sit in our beloved’s shadow. We don’t have to take first place. We are happy to just be there and absorb the delight of the beloved – to put the other first.

    The second scripture is the primary scripture for today:  John 13:34-35. Jesus is with those he is closest to, preparing them for his death, telling them the most important things he wants them to remember, and he seems to be saying that they don’t quite get the depth of his teaching. He emphasizes the second greatest commandment and ramps up what Solomon was talking about by saying I have a new one for you: love one another as I have loved you.

    Love one another as I have loved you.  John 13:34

    What does that mean to you? Before you respond, think about the setting – the last supper. And think about this. The Gospel of John was written about 50 years after Jesus died. John was writing out of his precious memories – his experience – his reflections on the events that he lived with as he walked with Jesus.

    So, with all of that in mind, what does it mean to you to love your beloved as Jesus loved?

    Another biblical principle for long-lasting, deep relationship comes out of this same scripture: Love sacrificially. 

    Loving sacrificially means laying aside your own desires – laying down your life -- as Jesus did.  I feel it's important to note here that we fall in love with who the other is and we should not shed our identity but bring the fullness of who we are to every relationship. Jesus laid down his life but he was fully himself as he ministered and as he went to the cross, not giving over his principles or his values or his interests.

    The third biblical principle for today is put very succinctly in Ephesians 5:21: Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

    Paul’s statement about mutual submission simply amplifies Jesus’ command to love as he loved us. Perhaps making your beloved your priority is crystal clear, but Paul’s addition to this principle makes clear that it is not one-sided. Each partner in a deep, lasting relationship, gives priority to the other, actively valuing the other person and making the choice to love every day.

    There’s just one more thing. All the principles in the world – all the knowledge of what the Bible says – can’t help you have relationships that are deep and long lasting if it’s just a good idea. For those of us who claim the faith, Jesus Christ is the foundation for our life – our whole life – and for every deep and lasting relationship, and it is Jesus’ love for us, his demonstration of what it takes to DO love over the long haul, and our growing in him that makes it possible for us to submit to each other – to put each other first – to live sacrificially – to admit and own our mistakes and to make amends – to forgive – to continue to see the best in each other – to accept each other despite our flaws. Because Jesus did that for us. Friends, Jesus did that for you.