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    Mar 08, 2020

    From Loneliness to Solitude

    From Loneliness to Solitude

    Passage: Psalms 130:1-8

    Speaker: Rev. Vivian McCarthy, Pastor

    Without faith, worry can strangle the joy out of life. ~Sight Psalm by the Upper Room, March 4

    Finding Myself

    The first movement of the spiritual life, according to Henri Nouwen, is from an aching loneliness to solitude – an active, open, content state of being alone but not cut off.  Rather, being when solitude is our companion, we may be alone but content – full instead of empty – receptive instead of curling up into a ball of isolation.

    Last Sunday I shared 3 visual suggestions of what my – or perhaps our – spiritual journeys look like if we drew them on paper       

    and I asked you to consider this question over the last week:  where are you in your spiritual development – in your spiritual journey?  Our spiritual life is not the same over time.  At its best, our spiritual life is moving toward a deeper life with God, though it doesn’t move in a straight line.

    For the next few moments, I’d like for you to use the finger labyrinth in your bulletin to reflect on your journey.  First, I need to say that this is not a puzzle to be solved nor a race to be won.  A labyrinth is a path that moves toward the center.  It is not a maze, as mazes are filled with dead-ends – barriers.  A labyrinth always moves you forward.

    As you trace the labyrinth path, reflect on your spiritual journey.  Take your time and allow yourself to focus on the unexpected turns.  What does the path itself say to you about your relationship with God?  You may find that the path brings up some life events.  Again, what does the path and the life event say to you about your relationship with God? 

    I recommend that you use a closed pen or something like that as using a finger may be a little hard to navigate.  I can tell you that my finger gets in the way, complicated by the astigmatism in my eyes.

    Where Is My Deepest Pain?

    Tracing our spiritual path through the labyrinth is just the first step to getting in touch with our spiritual self.  Identifying those things that threaten our connection to God and to others is essential to moving beyond loneliness and finding true solitude.

    Loneliness stems from our deepest pain and fear:  childhood teasing strikes a nerve that stays with us;  teen bullies strike just the most vulnerable spot; school pressure makes us fear that we really are less than; co-workers or supervisors make remarks that make it clear we are really not good enough; the grandchildren – or the children, for that matter – don’t visit enough; my spouse is always WAY too busy and preoccupied – we never talk – why?

    “The many small rejections of everyday – a sarcastic smile, a flippant remark, a brisk denial or a bitter silence – may all be quite innocent and hardly worth our attention if they did not constantly arouse our basic human fear of being left totally alone with ‘darkness…[as our] one companion left,’ as it says in Psalm 88.

    “It is this most basic human loneliness that threatens us and is so hard to face.  Too often we will do everything possible to avoid the confrontation with the experience of being alone.”[1]

    Humans have known this struggle since the beginning of time.  The Psalmist cried out the words in Psalm 130.

    How Do I Fill the Aching Void?

    So, how do I fill that aching void?  There are as many ways as there are people!  Excessive cleaning.  Food.  Constant activity.  Shopping.  Parties.  Worrying – about anything and everything.  Work-a-hol-ism.  Alcohol.  Social Media.  Television.  Gaming – maybe even table games, in case we are tempted to assume this one belongs just to kids.  Drugs.  Cooking ‘way too much!  Puzzles.

    Now you fill in the blanks – honestly ask yourself.  How do you fill the aching void?

    Of course the danger of filling the void with anything is that we may never look within.  We will avoid looking inside at all costs.  It can be scary in there.  Solitude is hard, especially if we don’t know where the pain is coming from – if we don’t realize what is causing the desperate loneliness.  The thing is, that if we avoid the pain long enough, the pain becomes the norm.  I wonder – could that eventually be so normal that we can’t move back toward God?

    Solitude

    Solitude is a kind of aloneness.  It is not, however, cut-off  or lonely.  Solitude makes it possible for us to be present to others – to be open because we find inner peace and that biblical peace that passes understanding – or blessed assurance.

    Essentially, Nouwen shows us that it is probably impossible to find solitude when we are plagued by pain that we refuse to examine and identify, which we have just spent only a few moments doing.  And it is nearly impossible to be near and deeply loving toward another if we are not comfortable in our own skin – another way of saying that is to be our authentic self.  It is our fears, pain and the resulting loneliness that erect walls – barriers – to reaching out.  As long as we are hurting, it will be impossible to move toward others or toward God.  Instead, we fill ourselves with emptiness that suffocates us.  Nouwen calls our authentic self our “inner mystery.”

    Nouwen wrote:

    When we do not protect with great care our own inner mystery, we will never be able to form community.  It is this inner mystery that attracts us to each other and allows us to establish friendship and develop lasting relationships of love.  An intimate relationship between people not only asks for mutual openness but also for mutual respectful protection of each other’s uniqueness.[2] 

     

    [1] Nouwen, Henri, Reaching Out, Copyright © 1975 by Henri J. M. Nouwen.  Doubleday and Co.  Page 16.

    [2] Nouwen, page 20