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    Jan 15, 2017

    Re-Modeling

    Re-Modeling

    Passage: Philippians 2:3-8

    Speaker: Rev. Vivian McCarthy, Pastor

    Series: Falling in Love is Easy

    Keywords: love, relationship

    Staying in love requires a plan that gives us tools for the daily interactions that can deepen our relationships or erode the love that the relationship is built on. The great Christ Hymn of Philippians 2 provides several specific tools for navigating those interactions.

    Last week I left off by saying something like this – I know it wasn’t exactly like this, but this is what I wrote!

    For those of us who claim the faith, Jesus Christ is the foundation for our life – our whole life – and for every deep and lasting relationship. It is Jesus’ love for us, his demonstration of what it takes to DO love over the long haul, and our growing in him that makes it possible for us to submit to each other – to put each other first – to live sacrificially – to admit and own our mistakes and to make amends – to forgive – to continue to see the best in each other – to accept each other despite our flaws. Because Jesus did that for us. Friends, Jesus did that for you.

    This week that is where we begin, so keep that in mind for a moment.

    I am sure that many of us have endured remodeling projects. If you have never done that yourself, think about moving and the chaos of uprooting your entire home and all of your possessions – even if your home is not very big.

    Remodeling is messy. No matter how organized you are, no matter how carefully you think things through, there will always be those things – those essential things that you just have to have right now – that you can’t find. Like realizing you have no idea where your shoes are the first day of your first charge conference season after moving the day before! Oh – and I’m a very organized mover with lists and clearly marked boxes!

    Or you think things will be finished before that special event because you’ve planned and set deadlines and have worked closely with your contractor – but a truck shows up with the trusses for your mother’s apartment at about 1 pm on the day that you are hosting the rehearsal dinner for 50 of your son’s closest friends on the eve of his wedding!

    Remodeling is not for the faint of heart! But it just feels so good when it’s finished! The new kitchen or bath or floor looks so great and is so much more in keeping with our style and gives us a more useful space. We don’t usually take on a project that isn’t in some way necessary, whether the space really needs updating because things are worn out or because the room could provide so much more in the way of supporting our home life.

    When I meet with a couple who are getting ready to marry, I ask them to examine the models for marriage that they have experienced as they grew up. What was the “marriage lab” like that they grew up with? What did they learn about how married couples communicate, how they show affection, who makes the rules, how they argue, how they make decisions?

    Of course, the “lab” that most couples know best is the marriage or marriages they witnessed in their own homes – parents’ and grandparents’ marriages. The good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. No matter what they have learned, it is those marriages that have modeled relationship and marriage for the couple, and we always talk about how the different models that they experienced in their homes of origin will live with them going forward, may clash from time to time, and that they need to choose what to keep and what to change for their own relationship.

    Most of us, when we approach a new relationship or a new marriage need to consider re-modeling to some degree or other.

    To be Christian, to claim Jesus Christ as Lord, he is Lord of everything -- everything we believe, everything we do, everything we think – our wallets and our homes and our relationships -- everything. My hope is built on nothing less…

    Philippians 2 is known as The Christ Hymn and is one of the oldest – if not the oldest hymns of praise to Jesus in the New Testament. It’s a theological hymn which means that it isn’t simply singing praise but is describing who Jesus is and what he did – why he is seen as divine and the meaning of his life and death. It carries a lot of weight as a scripture passage.

    So, if we are going to choose a model – or a plan on which to re-model our lives and our relationships, this passage offers some essential keys.

    The first principle, the first key for today is this: In humility, regard the other as better as yourself.

    In verse 3, Paul says, “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit.” Scripture makes it clear that when we operate manipulatively – or our of selfish ambition – we are not putting the other person first. Selfish ambition is the kind that gets you ahead at the expense of the other person in the relationship. So, what do we need to sacrifice in order to put the other first? Spend time with your BFF – your spouse – your date. When you make a date, keep it and get there on time or early. Say thank you for the things your beloved does for you, even if it’s the 15th time you’ve had chicken this month. Keep your agreements, like staying within your budget instead of buying that thing you think you can’t live without. Talk about your feelings with honesty instead of hiding what you are afraid to reveal.

    Sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings – and responding to your beloved’s innermost thoughts and feelings is an act of love and vulnerability, one that will draw you closer to one another.

    There are 3 things that I think are practical and support this principle:
    • Loving another is at least a 100/100 proposition.
    1. Remember that truly loving another is not a 50/50 proposition. It’s at least a 100/100 proposition. Fifty-fifty implies that I will only give as much as I expect to get in return – or I will only give as much as I feel the other has given. Fifty-fifty is not regarding the other as myself – it’s being in a relationship to get what I can get, and if I’m not getting what I want or think I should have, I am likely to give myself less and less over time until there’s precious little given to the one I have called my beloved.

    • Regard your beloved with a sense of awe rather than competition.
    2. Regarding others as better as ourselves implies a sense of awe. You have been attracted to this person as a spouse or a lover or a good friend. What is it about that person that is awe-inspiring to you? What is it that lifts you up or fills your spirit with a desire to be the person you know you can be? What is it that for you is like that great line from As Good as it Gets: you make me want to be a better man.

    • Notice and take interest in the things that interest your beloved.
    3.  Thirdly, notice and take interest in the things your beloved is interested in. Your relationship began because you were drawn to each other and likely because you have some interests in common. But you are uniquely you and your beloved is uniquely him or her. On one extreme, we sometimes completely lose ourselves in another person’s self. That isn’t healthy – and relationships sometimes fade because one or the other loses their sense of self and has little or nothing to give. The other extreme is always focusing only on the things that interest you to the expense of your beloved. In First Corinthians 13, verse 5a, it says, “Love does not insist on its own way.” If both of you are giving 100/100, you will find a balance, as eager to embrace your beloved’s world as your beloved is to embrace yours!

    Let’s look at the remainder of this passage – verse 5. It begins, “Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus.” And then it goes on to describe what Jesus focused on – what he had in mind – and it is saying that we need to be just as intentional – to adopt the mind of Christ in our living. In a nutshell, Jesus emptied himself – sacrificed himself.

    Principle:  Love sacrificially.

    We talked a little about sacrificial love last week, and I’d like to amplify what we said at that time. Jesus was always himself – always his best self. He did what he did for others; he did not give up his mission or his principles or his love for God. From the beginning of his ministry until the day he went to the cross, he always kept his mind clearly focused on his love for others – on making life better for those he came to save – on giving new meaning to the rules – on re-shaping power. And above all, he kept his focus on doing the will of God. A deeply loving relationship does the same thing.

    My beloved, committing yourself to Jesus Christ as Lord, take on the mind of Christ. Empty yourself, humbly taking the form of a servant in your relationships. Sacrifice those things that stand between you and your beloved. Sacrifice your self-focused wants for your beloved’s need. Sacrifice a bit of your precious downtime to do something together. Sacrifice a bit of your importance to lift your beloved by celebrating their particular gifts. Sacrifice your ideas of who does what and pitch in. Sacrifice that righteous indignation and forgive. Sacrifice your need to be right and let it go.

    Prayer:
    Precious Lord, take our hands and our hearts and our minds. Shape us to be fully yours, fully committed to life with you, fully committed to making you Lord of our lives, fully committed to love as you have loved us so that, ultimately, you are shaping our relationships and the world to be stronger and more fulfilling. Amen.